Sunday, November 20, 2011

Disturbing Dream

Here's a question. Why did I have this weird-ass and all around disturbing dream? This is what happened.

In the dream, virus breaks out. I get the virus. I see my own arm in the dream. Its covered in large different shaped pink spots with red spots in the middle. Red spot is where my skin has completely deteriorated and is dissolving. At this point I know this is also happening to my insides, not just my skin. I don't know how I know. I just know. Then I decide to go outside to see whats going on. Moonlit streets are deserted. I try to enter a building. The doors are locked. Then I notice on the front door of this building is a royal blue sign, with white lettering. At the very top of this flyer is a yellow logo of a sun setting with clouds. On the sign it says "Property closed: contamination zone". In my dream I think "why are these signs not red or bright orange?" Usually anything alerting people are red or orange especially if there is danger. Then I realize these signs are on every door of every building. They didn't want people to panic. Hence the blue signs. Blue is a calming color....

The dream jumps back to me at my house. I'm still all spotted as I catch a final news broadcast on the TV. They say they now believe where the virus came from. It came from deep within the jungle of the Congo. On the screen is a picture of Africa, with a red dot, right in the center of the dark green area representing the jungle. There is a picture of a leopard next to the dot. They have now decided to deem this the leopard virus. Not because it came from leopards but because of the asymmetrical spots it forms on your skin when you get it. Dream ends. However my unease does not.

That very morning, only two hours after I woke up from this dream, I turn on CNN. First picture I see is of a volcano erupting. Turns out this is the first time this volcano has erupted like this for hundreds of years. Here's the shitter. The volcano was in Africa near the Congo. Oh yeah, and tons of tourist from out of the county who would otherwise never travel to Africa were in fact doing so just to see this once in a lifetime eruption. All I said was DAMMMNNN...and turned the TV off.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

AndreaPayton.com

Alright, it's no longer a WordPress site! I now have.....my OWN site! yay!

Join me now at: www.andreapayton.com

Monday, October 24, 2011

New WordPress Site

O.K. folks! This blogger.com deal is now just for ranting, random observations, and to add to my I hate list, since none of these things have any place on my new WORDPRESS SITE!!! I know, not that exciting but now I have a place to put my intellectual stuff (the WordPress site) and my random-ass, I-am-currently-flying-off-the-handle-B.S., which I will still save for here. Oh, and the best part, in my header there is a direct Blogspot link, so I will be only a click away no matter where you are...

Join Me:

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

Things I Learn

Thing I Learned Today:
Soy sauce and white-out will not mix together. (and they don't smell very good together either)

Monday, September 12, 2011

#4. The obnoxious douche bag packs of men that roam the Vegas strip, even the non-American ones.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Bad People Everywhere

Riddle me this. Why is it O.K. to generalize all Muslims as extremist when only a very small percentage are actively trying to harm other people, but it is NOT O.K. to call some Christians extremist when a man identifying himself AS a Christian murders dozens of teenagers and children? Every group has its bad seeds among many many good.....seeds..? My point being, not all blonde Germans want to kill Jews, not all Muslims want to kill Christians...and Jews. Sorry. And NOT ALL Christians are in their right minds either. Christians have been killing others in the name of Christ, and for their beliefs they believe Christ wants them to believe, stay with me, for centuries. The modern day label for a Crusade, or any other military action justified by religious purpose just happens to be, Terrorism. There is not a line between this group of people who are bad and this group of people who are good. People, and life in general, is not this simple. Once everyone gets this into their heads they will find themselves enlightened, not by a godly figure or faith, but by common sense. Bad people lurk everywhere in all different shapes and sizes, genders and races, religions and groups. EVERYWHERE! so go out and live your life in irrational fear, for bad people are everywhere. I'm sure even that girl scout at your door right now has something sinister up her sleeve.
#3. When my dog steps in his own shit or piss when I take him out to go to the bathroom.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

#2. Accidentally dropping something on a bathroom floor. Even when its my own bathroom.

Monday, July 25, 2011

I Hate Videos

So, I would hate for this blog to become an "I hate" blog but I fear that is what it is turning into. I assure you this is not what my intentions were. Since this is the case I am going to force myself to write non-"I hate" blogs. However, in order to get the "I hate" out of my system I am going to post one thing, in list form, that I hate a day. Its my blog version of an I hate video. For the most part I will attempt to post just one a day. Some days I may cheat and post two or three, and most likely will eventually slow down to one every other day, to probably one a week when I get bored with it, but until then......the list of things I hate:

#1. The guy from Cake Boss....AND his mom.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Why Kids Are Not Like Cars

There was one of three problems with the child screaming behind me at the restaurant I went to several nights ago, all of which had solutions that its "mother" failed to recognize. "Mother" is in quotations for a reason. Many other titles came to my mind when contemplating things to call her, but I digress. So. What reasons could this child have for screaming non-stop for 45 minuets? Number one. There was something legitimately wrong with the child. Like it had a dirty diaper, was hungry, or thirsty or uncomfortable, all of which should have been the FIRST things this woman should have checked for, and then dealt with to make her child shut up. I know if I had to be in a diaper I would not want to be in one full of crap, and when I am hungry I get quite cross, only to be quickly subdued by a quick bite of anything. But what if it was not hungry and didn't have a load in its diaper? What then? This leads us to the next reason why the child may have been screaming. The kid wanted something it was being denied. Weather that be freedom from the chair it was in, a toy in its diaper bag, or maybe a piece of chocolate cake instead of spaghetti. In any other case I would never suggest giving into your child's every whim. Not only will the child grow up to be an undisciplined brat, but it could also have devastating physical and mental implications. Use your imagination. However, when this child's behavior begins to effect others, the severity of allowing your child to eat cake instead of spaghetti during the one time a month you go out to a restaurant quickly diminishes. Give the damn kid its toy or cake, because a crowded restaurant is not the time and place to teach self discipline to your child. Although if your the woman who's child screams constantly I doubt you teach self discipline in the first place since you probably don't have any of your own. Finally the third, and unfortunately, but probably most likely, reason it was crying was it was just plain cranky. The child was pissed. It was having a temper tantrum and would have been screaming no mater where it was, who it was with or what it was given. In this case someone should go OUTSIDE with the child or in the BATHROOM until this issue passes. If it doesn't, cut your losses, pack up your food , ask for the check and go home where you, and only you, get to enjoy what I think is the worst noise on the planet. Although this was a simple problem, with three simple solutions, I still had to eat my ENTIRE MEAL, all 45 minuets of it, with a shrieking in my ear probably similar to that of a pterodactyl passing a kidney stone. Unfortunately this event made me ponder this woman's parenting skills. This, naturally, made me wonder why is it we have have to pay for, and take a test in order to own and operate a car, yet there are no restrictions, or tests, or fees for "owning" and "operating" and child. I know, seems like a big leap but its not for me. We have to take tests in order to operate a vehicle because of the potential to harm others with said vehicle. Yet, the reckless abandon in which some people breed is in a sense harming others, and by "others" I mean the children they have. So, since drivers have to take tests in order to ensure they are competent enough to not harm others, why aren't people required to take test before having children to ensure they are competent enough to not harm their own flesh blood. OH! That's right. Now I remember. If a person is not capable of responsibly raising and caring for a child, the government bails them out. Oh, that mom does not know how to restrict her sexual activity to keep her number of children to a manageable number that she can care, and provide for? i.e. food and shelter. WELL lets bail her out by cutting her a check every month and giving her food stamps to feed said children. However, when I irresponsibly own and operate a car, WHICH IS A PRIVILEGE, where is the government to bail me out? Would I get money back if I bought a car on credit, only to realize months later I cant afford the payment? Would I get money from the government if I crashed my car into another and had to go to prison for vehicular manslaughter? No! Would I get money if I was irresponsible and got a ticket from a cop for ......fantastic. My train of thought has been distracted by Matrix 2. Oh well, I think I made my point.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Three Things I Learned While in a Catholic Church the Other Day

#1. On stage there are three very expensive-looking bottles of Scotch located, appropriately, directly above the baptismal-pool, or what my uncle likes to refer to as, the "church's jacuzzi". Now, it is a distinct possibility that these bottles of Scotch are actually just bottles of piss-colored holy water, but I'm going to stick with Scotch on this one.

#2. Ok. Apparently, during the End of Days God will descend upon earth and raise the deceased, giving them eternal bodies. So in my head, End of Days = Zombie Apocalypse. Am I right? I'm just going by what the man said, and what he described was a Jesus-lead Zombie Apocalypse. Terrifying.

#3. The Priest never sleeps. Well, he does sleep but not in the typical sense. Instead of sleeping 8 hours a night, he takes one minute power naps throughout the day and while on stage. I saw this with my own eyes. Granted, the priest's "praying-face" might just look very similar to his "sleeping-face", but I like to believe that a Priest is more efficient than that. So this nap, combined with other power naps throughout the day allows him to dedicate the full 24-hours of his day to Jesus.

Why I do the things I do.

So, this is my temporary blog. I hope to have one on my very own site sometime soon but until then this will have to suffice. I will tell people that I am doing this in order to hone my writing skills along with forcing me to write every day so that I get used to it. Why should I write everyday? Because I want to be a writer and I hear this is how you get good at it, so I am going to roll with it. In reality it is really just a forum so I can bitch about the things that annoy me. Hence the name of the blog. I used to do it on Facebook, which honestly, as of this moment anyway, gave me a much larger audience. However, I soon found that my rants were becoming much more complex and would no longer fit in the allowed 400 characters or whatever for a status update. So here I am now. I will shortly post some of my favorite rants from lengthy FB post just so I have them all together. I like to hoard my thoughts like this since I am afraid I might just loose them all one day. That is it! Its a thought collector for when I become old and senile. Enjoy.